At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
