wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
