...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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