My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
