She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
