You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
