everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
