idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
