Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
