we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
