There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
