I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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