Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
