I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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