I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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