I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
