i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
