is your mom at the bar?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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