what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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