Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
