i may or may not be watching the land before time
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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