he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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