He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
