i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize