you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
