the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bring me that man meat
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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