You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
