there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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