Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
