mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
