I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
