She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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