I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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