We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
