you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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