you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
zippers are such a cool invention
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
