So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
