All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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