You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
