No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
