i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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