i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
