I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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