I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
