Jerry, you need to find god
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
