You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
someone owes me an orgasm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
