He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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