I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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