i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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