I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
