Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
