OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
