I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
