My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
