I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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