We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
