no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
