Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
