I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
