He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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