When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my poor anus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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