So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
