You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
