Already got asked if we're dating
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
