I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
