if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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