I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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