Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
