I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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