She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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