12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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