this beer tastes like vomit already
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
