operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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