didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
