I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
