I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
