This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
