You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
