I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
