Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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