dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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