Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
