I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
