I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
