so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
